


You Said I Should Eat My Feelings

by watchthequeenconquer



Category: Cow Chop (YouTube RPF), The Creatures (Youtube RPF)
Genre: Belly Rubs, Brett doesn't get paid enough to be Aleks' and James' pre-relationship counsellor, Comfort Food, Developing Relationship, Food Issues, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Erections, M/M, Resolved Sexual Tension, Spooning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 03:39:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11176227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watchthequeenconquer/pseuds/watchthequeenconquer
Summary: While the Chow Chop team preparing for their eviction, Aleks catches James binge eating. Stressed and strangely intrigued, Aleks blows up to cover his feelings. Their reconciliation in James' bed results in belly rubs, smack talk and the resolution to their unacknowledged sexual tension that Brett, Trevor and Aron have been begging for.





	You Said I Should Eat My Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Warning - references to The Creatures split, alluded past food issues/depression and a mild panic attack in relation to sexual identity/kink crisis. New to the fandom, so there may be characterisation issues/timeline inconsistencies, but love the boys and their chemistry. 
> 
> Title from Halsey's 'Devil In Me'.

“Can we please focus on wrapping this shit up?” Aleks groans, ripping off his head phones and tearing his bleary eyes away from the monitor, rubbing them tiredly.

He turns to face James who is pacing around the room, gigantic dark eyes glued to his phone without any recognition of the question directed to him.

“James, I need to know if you want me to cut it here!” Aleks tries again impatiently, suppressing the overwhelming surge of anger flooding his chest when James continues to pace without acknowledgement.

His question is answered only by the frenetic tapping of the older man’s foot, tongue poked out in concentration at the device in his hand.

“Oh my god…” Aleks mutters to himself, dropping his head to run his hands through his shock of dark hair.

It’s way past time to close up the proverbial Cow Chop shop for the night, but with the other guys out picking up boxes, moving trucks and cleaning products for the house, Aleks had been banking on getting some serious work done. With their sudden eviction and unplanned move to LA imminent, the team had been doubling down trying to pump out content in between packing up their lives. Overtime did not even qualify at this point.

“Dude, STOP!” Running off two hours sleep and unable to control his impulses anymore, Aleks launches out of his chair and at James as hard as he can. He tells himself it’s to get his attention, but really he’s just desperate to blow off steam, an unwanted by-product of the current tension in their living environment.

The movement only pushes the bigger of the two slightly balance, but physically knocks him from his reverie.

“Oh hey, were you talking to me just now?” James only breaks eye contact with his phone to aim an attempted affronted look at his friend, but only ends up grinning. Aleks reigns in the urge to add the device to the list of items destroyed under collateral damage as a part of their regulator work place operations.

“I don’t know James…do you see anyone else here?” Aleks bites back in annoyance, following up with a loosely aimed hook that James fends off easily. The need to hit something has been itching at him for a while now, stronger than usual.

“Geez, would you just relax for a second?” James admonishes lightly, the gentlest hint of a frown the only indication he is even remotely phased as Aleks slumps back into his chair with a huff, “Why have you gotta be so impatient, man…”

“What are you even doing over there!” Aleks’ tone is way too close to whinging for his liking, but the combination of exhaustion and frustration is getting to him.

When he thinks about it, they’ve all been a bit touchy around the house lately. Everyone but Nova, who is as inhumanely upbeat and motivated as always. Maybe that is why Aleks is finding him so unbearably irritating right now.

“I’ve got to tick this house stuff of my to-do calendar…I’m way behind!” James’ voice reaches the heightened pitch that is always registers when he’s over excited with a million ideas occupying his head, so close to keening that Aleks is shocked that Ein and Mishka haven’t gone skittering from the room.

His energy is practically manic and would be fuelling his usual tendencies towards physical destructiveness were they not being kicked out of the residence for that very reason.

“And this can’t wait till we finish the video that we need to upload by tomorrow morning?” Aleks deadpans, face reflective devoid of expression. He hates having to be the voice of reason (professionally or personally) but with the divided responsibilities that have come with their soon-to-be-vagrant state, James has been all over the place, and not in his usual scattered productive way. It’s kind of a mess and everyone is feeling the strain.

“Nope it’s super important…oh shit, it’s here, it’s here!” James squeals, his ridiculous doe eyes doubling in size, the largest Aleks has seen them lately without their usual illicit stimulation. He only remembers when he sees the infectious, face splitting grin that lights up James’ face that it’s been missing for days. The dogs scatter as he unceremoniously dashes from the room.

“Where are you going, asshole?” Aleks yells to the empty room as he listens to James’ feet pound away down the stairs.

“Delivery!”

“At this time of night? Unbelievable…” Aleks mutters to himself with a shake of his head, jamming on his headphones and squinting in his last ditch effort to complete the edits solo. He knows the attempt will be futile, even if they did make head phones that could cancel out the sound barrier breaking screaming currently emanating from downstairs.

“Aleks, come and look see…ALEKSANNNDEEEERRRRRR!”

“In a minute!” Aleks calls with no intention of leaving his seat.

*

Half an hour later and with the house entirely silent, Aleks shucks off his headphone and makes for the editing room door, perturbed by the enduring quiet in their large, predominantly empty house.

“There better not be an axe murderer in here!” Aleks mutters to himself as he jogs lightly down the stairs. It would be just like James to let some total freak inside their house to butcher them, stupid motherfucker…

That macabre train of thought ended as he entered the kitchen, but someone might as well have stabbed him from his sheer shock at the sight before him.

Piles of takeaway made mountains of their small kitchen island. Empty wrappers littered the area and James was situated in the middle, massacring a triple cheese burger.

“Dude…” Aleks thought to himself, wanting to whistle in admiration but too busy staring to disturb the sight before him.

A strange part of him didn’t want to. James has polished off the burger already and was setting in on a second at alarming speed, barely taking a breath in between bites as he wolfed it down.

It was clear that James hadn’t noticed him, standing their dumbfounded with his mouth hanging open like some kind of gaping fish. Aleks didn’t mean to be weird about it, he’d just never seen anyone enjoy food with that kind of disregard for the rest of humanity before.

It should have been weird but Aleks was completely fascinated. The scene before him was one of complete indulgence with no room for embarrassment.

Aleks feels himself nearly choke on his own saliva as he watches the juices drip from James’ grasping fingers into his dark beard, cheeks puffed out and straining against the mouthfuls almost too big to fit, taking in more and more as his tongue darts out to catch the morsels that missed his lips. He goes to speak and just splutters, coughing noisily to clear his throat.

James eyes’ flick up from the food to notice him for the first time, attempting to speak around the mouthful with a gesture that clearly invites Aleks, who is rooted to the spot, to join.

When James’ swallows noisily to speak properly, Aleks feels his stomach turn uncomfortably in response. He seen James take playing with food to unimaginably disgusting levels of experimentation before without even blinking, what the fuck was wrong with him?

“Oh Aleks, you gotta try some of this, it’s so goddamn good!” James took another huge mouthful enthusiastically, endorsing the greasy food with an appreciative groan.

“Maybe later.” Aleks manages, coughing again as the moisture in his throat seemed to evaporate on the spot.

“You gotta!” James insists, finishing the second burger. He leans back on the counter to support himself after the ordeal, “My eyes were way bigger than my stomach when I ordered, but I’m so damn hungry!”

His large hands dropped to his midsection and began to laconically rub lazy circles as his swollen belly presses visibly against his black t-shirt.

“This food is all crap, what happened to your fitness shit with Brett?” Aleks finally finds his words, tearing his eyes away from the hypnotic circles to narrow them accusingly.

He’d seen this side of James before, when things had started to go south with The Creatures and the clear warning signs made it hard to hide his concern. While Aleks had tried hard to keep things civil and focused on the transition to their new venture, the split hit James hard.

Burying his feelings in comfort food and the sudden weight gain that went with it left James in a really dark place some days when they were first starting out on their own.

“It’s called a cheat day, Aleks!” James huffed loudly, snapping Aleks from his realisation as his voice rises defensively, “You wouldn’t know cause that is literally every day for you…”

James cuts his argument off with a loud burp, followed by a small sigh at the pressure alleviated from his stomach. The quiet sound of pleasure makes something inside Aleks’ own belly twist and clench, warm and unsettling.

“That isn’t what I meant!” He heard himself snapping back, anger escalating beyond what the situation warranted, the words tumbling out before he could stop them, “You’re finally getting in a good place and you’re going to throw it away cause you’re stressed, you idiot!”

Maybe it was his own strange reactions startling him, but more than anything Aleks was pissed. Pissed at James for falling back into his old habits and even more pissed at himself for not picking up on it.

“Dude, what is your problem?” James pushed off the counter aggressively, though his arms hugging himself tightly around his chest displayed his hurt like an open wound even as he shouted, “Lay off me, will you? I haven’t eaten in like three days!”

“What’s MY problem…are you fucking kidding me right now!” Aleks started in disbelief, staring at James uncomprehendingly for a second. He punches the counter top hard in frustration before he can stop himself, ignoring the blinding pain that shoots through his knuckles. Anything to distract himself from how mad he is and the competing feelings burning in his chest.

“Can you NOT destroy more of our property, please! And no, Aleksander, I am not kidding.” James spat stubbornly, going into attack mode at Aleks’ violent outburst. He grabs another item from the counter and shoves it in his mouth defiantly, “I’m busy…with the move…with the channel…putting up with this kind of bullshit from you guys…”

“By bullshit you mean how we’re all busting our asses to help you?” Aleks counters.

The white hot veil of anger currently blurring Aleks’ vision at the edges is his only defence mechanism against the overwhelming helplessness that threatens to drown him. The nostalgia hits him like a wave – remembering how pathetic and useless he would be when James would isolate himself and literally eat his feelings away, only adding to his miserable state. He could go fuck himself if he thinks Aleks is going to stand idly aside again and be made to feel that way again without so much as a goddamn argument.

“THIS, this right here, Aleks…I don’t need you busting my balls right now when I’m just doing my best to keep our shit together!” James voice breaks in exasperation, food in his hands lost to his wild hand gestures as remnants of takeaway shoot across the room.

Being insanely angry doesn’t stop Aleks from noticing James absently running his tongue over his pouted out lips, pursed in annoyance. It doesn’t stop the explosion of feeling that snakes its way in his gut like a warning. All he knows is he is beginning to lose control of whatever the hell is going on right now and he needs to get out of here.

“Do you call that having your shit together? Being too busy to fucking feed yourself…do you know how moronic that sounds?” Aleks ends harshly, clearing an escape route with his barbed words, “I’m out.”

“This conversation isn’t over, Aleks! Don’t walk away, dammit!” James shouts, furious.

“We’re done here. Don’t blame me because you can’t take care of yourself, idiot.”

“Fuck you!” James screams as Aleks heads for the stairs, throwing a still wrapped burrito at his retreating form before returning to his food with double the intensity. Aleks doesn’t stop until he’s safely shut back in the editing room, slamming the door behind him, unsure whether he is more aggravated at James or himself.

Downstairs, James returns to his comfort food with double the intensity as the other members of their crew chose that convenient moment to reappear.

“Uh oh, did we just walk in on a domestic?” Trevor asks, smirking retort cut off by his own scream as James hits him square in the face with a Pepsi bottle.

“Now, now, James, what did we say about playing nice with the unpaid staff…” Brett mock admonishes, jumping up on the counter beside James.

“You’re right, that wasn’t fair. The one I would prefer to hit right now is on the payroll...that means I can do what I like, right?” James mutters heatedly between mouthfuls, tearing at the pieces of his wrap vengefully.

“What’s wrong?” Aron probes, picking up the fallen burrito and inspecting it.

“Nothing. That psychotic Russian up there needs to put up or shut the fuck up…” James responds angrily, throwing more food at the wall.

“You’d like to give Aleksander a good pounding huh?” Brett laughs, patting James on the shoulder, sprinting out of arms reach before James could catch the meaning.

“What the-NO!” James howled, face flushing with the effort.

“Really get him laid out on his back to relieve the tension!” Trevor teased from a safe distance half way up the stairs, out of the range of James’ food missiles. Aron too had vacated the room, chortling noisily from his safe haven.

“All jokes aside, I hate it when you guys fight. Couldn’t you both just make out…I mean make up!” Brett jibes, almost slipping on a discarded pack of chips in his haste to move further out of range as James pelted him with an assortment of leftovers.

“You could ass fuck him with the Dragon dildo?” Aron deadpanned in a comment that stopped them all dead in their tracks.

“What the – get the hell out of here, you little Asian freak!” James demanded, throwing another soft drink bottle as Aron scattered, “That is the last time Aleks gets to hire anyone...maybe we could consider downsizing by two employees before we move?”

“That bad, huh?” Brett whistles, moving into the kitchen again as James’ eyes drop to the food in his hands with a noncommittal sound.

“It wasn’t good,” James returned quietly, chewing resolutely on the wrap in his hands though his heart wasn’t in it, “He started picking at me in the editing room, then blew up over me ordering too much takeout…”

“Yes, I’m sure that is all there is to it,” Brett smiles, “A simple disagreement over junk food. We aren’t at all tired, edgy and concerned for each other’s wellbeing by any chance, hmmm?”

“All right Dr. Phil, I can’t afford your services in my current transitional professional state!” James laughs as Brett wiggles his eyebrows knowingly, “Can’t you spin some of this psychological hypnosis in Aleks’ direction to reduce his dickheadedness?”

“I can take care of his psychological needs if you can take care of his physical ones…”

“Oh my god, why do I associate with you people?” James cries as Brett peels away, his laughter echoing through the empty halls.

*

“Moan twice for violent masturbation!”

“Can I help you?” Aleks responds sarcastically as Brett peered through a crack in the already open door.

“Just checking you were decent, Aleks…no need for the attitude!”

“This is the fucking editing room, you animal!”

“Precisely! You can never to be too careful when there are recording devices and a teenage boy in the same room.” Brett grinned at the filthy look Aleks shot him as he slipped in the door, “What you doing in here so late, comrade?”

After retreating to the editing room, Aleks spent the best part of the next hour attempting to cool off. Unsuccessful attempts at finalising the video turned into some uninspired game play that left him desperately resisting the urge to throw his controller at the wall or damage anything else connected to their no-longer-home.

“Just finishing this video,” Aleks settles on instead, “This could’ve been done hours ago if James could pull his head out of his own ass!”

“I see…it looks like that is going great for you with that blank screen in front of you there,” Brett nodded, moving closer to scrutinise the screen as Aleks gaped before fuming in irritation, “So how about you channel your creative inspiration into something more productive…like apologizing to James?”

“He started it!” Aleks attempts lamely. Brett’s eyebrow disappearing into the remnants of his hairline was all the confirmation he needed that right now he was indeed behaving like an oversized toddler.

“I do not give a flying fuck if this is about who stole the Nintendo switch or who wouldn’t finish blowing the other one!” Brett counters, voice severe for all the jokes interlaced into his wound up speech, “Be the bigger man and fix it!”

“But…”

“We’re a family, Aleks. A rag-tag group of barely-even-internet famous gamers with poor prospects, even poorer hygiene and limited sex appeal (myself not included) just trying to make it in this crazy world.” Brett stated poetically, hand over his heart, “We’re all just doing our best in these trying times and need to support each other and stick together, Aleksander. We take care of each other – that’s what families do!”

“How do you manage to make that sound like a sexual reference?” Aleks asked the silent room.

“This advice is given purely in a professional capacity.” Brett leers in return.

“Fine, fine! I’ll go, but mainly because it’s late, all my shit is in James’ room and I really want you to shut the fuck up.” Aleks concludes with a disgusted look on his face and a shake of his head. Brett was right after all, though there was no chance in hell Aleks was going to verbalise that.

“Do it for the fam!” Brett cries passionately, before slapping Aleks on the shoulder and nearly knocking him into the wall with the sheer force of his biceps.

“Please don’t ever say that again.” Aleks cringes, ducking towards the door. With enough distance between them, he added, “Next time I want words of wisdom from a senior citizen, I’ll come visit you in the nursing home, okay gramps?”

“YOU LITTLE SHIT!”

Sneakers squeaking obnoxiously down the hall and echoing snickering was the only response. Brett snickered himself when he heard Aleks fall over in his haste, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head. He didn’t get paid enough for this shit and if those two morons would just settle their shit, it would make his life a hell of a lot easier.

“I can’t wait to get back to LA,” He muttered to himself, painfully imagining herding this group of cats around Hollywood with a grimace, “This bunch of sideshow misfits are going to fit right in.”

*

Once he was sure his physical wellbeing was no longer in jeopardy, Aleks slows from a loping limp to a walk, his feet automatically lead him to James’ room.

He doesn’t know when he started sporadically sleeping there – a throwback to The Creatures days, when he woke up in a panic to find James dead to the world spooning him. The idiot had fallen asleep during his own prank. Though Aleks had made a fuss at the time, it became something comforting that they did from time to time, especially when things got chaotic with the split and their new venture.

This move was no different but was seemingly presenting a whole new level of disarray not only professionally, but in their friendship. The door was ajar, with the faint light from a bedside lamp peeking through, inviting him in even though Aleks isn’t sure that he is welcome.

Biting the bullet, Aleks edges his way inside. He is wordlessly greeted by James’ back as he moves to sit on the edge of the bed, stubbornly facing the wall as he toes off his shoes and addresses the quiet room.

“Come on baby, don’t play me like this!” Aleks croons with overdone affection, like he might if they were recording and he was doing his best (terrible) Joker impression. He frowns when the response is a muffled squeak. He turns to see James’ body shudder in a mini convulsion, followed by another suppressed noise.

“What the…” Aleks moves onto the bed, inching carefully closer to his friend, concern overriding his earlier attempts at sarcasm, “James…are you…dude, are you crying?”

“Leave me alone a-asshole!” James squeaked again before hiccupping loudly.

Aleks falls back into a fit of laughter, relief flooding him as James head snaps around to glare at him accusingly over his shoulder.

“It’s not f-funny…I can’t stop!” James breathes in exasperation, flailing over his own body to punch Aleks in the arm. His dark hair is hanging loose and all sleep mussed, but the dark bags under his eyes betray that he is as rested as Aleks right now.

“Got you good, huh?” Aleks grins in spite of himself, pulling his hoodie tighter around his as he shivers in the cold air, “I always get like that when I eat too fast…you just gotta take deep breaths…in and out…in and out…”

“It’s indigestion, not child birth, Aleksander!” James scrunches his face up. His crooked nose is all kinked and he looks kind of adorably pathetic right now.

“I could try and scare you?” Aleks suggests with a wiggle of his dark eyebrows, jumping off the bed to conceal himself behind a curtain.

“Your face does a good enough j-job of that a-already!” James shot back, squealing as Aleks bounced back onto the bed in retaliation, tightening up in the foetal position to shield himself.

“How dare you speak to the Meme Lord like that, peasant.” Aleks replies to his friend’s prone form, clearing his throat awkwardly before speaking to his back, “Look man, I didn’t mean to go in so hard on you earlier…”

The apology was interrupted by an obscene gurgle of disagreement that had James doubling further into himself.

“Don’t be.” James managed, sounding more than worse for wear.

“That didn’t sound good.” Aleks, ever the observer, frowned, edging closer.

“It’s my fault. Eating that kind of delicious greasy shit used to get me through this kind of stuff, you know?” James gritted out, making himself as small as possible.

“Gross, you used to eat shit?” Aleks ducked the flying pillow that nearly decapitated him, wincing as James recoiled from the movement in pain before adding, “I get it… how bad is it?” He fidgeted uncomfortably, wishing he could be more useful.

“These cramps hurt like a motherfucker, I’m not going to lie!” James hisses through his teeth as another wave of pain seizes him.

“That’s what you get for laying down after eating like Trevor does, you idiot!” Aleks scolds more gently than he’d like, angrier that James is in pain than at him, “Can you stretch out a little?”

“But it hurts so much!” James all but whines, extending his legs at Aleks’ request before curling up again with a groan.

“How about sit up?” Aleks tries, concern raising his voice as James begins a continual low hum of discomfort.

“I can’t!”

“Well, tell me what to do, for fuck’s sake!” Aleks snaps, frustration and concern reaching a crescendo as his voice cracks.

A long pause follows before the answer Aleks had least expected.

“Can you touch it?” James pants with effort.

“What now…” Aleks blanks.

“Can your mind not be in the gutter for once? My stomach. It might help…move the air around…”

“I don’t know…” Aleks can feel himself backing off the bed in trepidation. The thought of physical contact has the weird feeling from the kitchen thrumming at the bottom of his spine, adrenaline and anticipation merging into a living current of warmth.

“Don’t make me beg…PLEASE, ALEKSANDER!”

When has he ever been able to say no to the use of his full name, squawked in that piercing tone? The thought of James begging has the heat shooting straight to his face. Aleks will do it, only to shut James up so he can sleep. This is what he tells himself.

“Fine, but no more balling up!” Aleks demands, like he has some kind of say in the situation he’s been thrust into.

He slots himself down behind James’ back, forced to wriggle close and press his chest to the others back. The strain of it has left James slightly clammy, but all Aleks notices is the warmth radiating from him. Focusing on the task at hand, he hooks a leg over James’ to emphasis his point, stretching him out and anchoring his leg in position to enforce his word.

“Stop trying to get between my legs!” James snickers playfully, unable to help himself, repaid for his snarky comment when another cramp threatens to double him over.

“Less put up, more shut up, huh?” Aleks suggests as James gets his breath back, tentatively bringing his arm.

“Oh damn…” Aleks feels his eyes widen when his hand finally reaches the oversized belly.

“It’s big, right?” James venture.

“What – uh, yeah, I guess.” Aleks mutters, concentration slipping as he flexes his fingers gently over the hard surface, “No wonder it hurts.” His stomach has to be double the size of what it was in the kitchen.

“What are you waiting for? Put it on me!” James squirms impatiently, snapping Aleks out of his stupor.

“Did you just- oh god…alright, alright.” Aleks bites back, grateful for the dark as his face flushes embarrassedly with a random onset of nerves. He begins to extend his palm in slow, gentle circles. He feels his breath catch against his will as is roaming hand takes in the fullness of James’ belly, solid without giving an inch.

James falls silent, his breathing becoming more regular and his body relaxing into the touch. Aleks, on the other hand, is struggling to remember how to inhale, fumbling blindly in the disconcerting silence.

“I just…don’t know what I’m doing.” Aleks falters, his hand movement slowing to a stop, having to break the silence. He tells himself it’s just a lack of confidence, wanting it to be right for his friend who is in pain. That’s the only reason he nearly jumped out of his skin a second earlier when he got brave enough to venture further downwards and caught the edge of James’ shirt on the upsweep.

“I’m not one to criticise but your technique could use a little work…” James joked lightly in a bid to ease Aleks’ general discomfort.

“Fine, man, I’ll fucking stop!” Aleks snaps testily, propping up on one elbow. He is all but ready to bail, moving to pull his hand away when James covers it with his own, trapping it.

“Don’t…do that.” The reply in the darkness comes softly, earnestly. Aleks swallows hard around the imaginary lump in his throat that just won’t seem to descend.

“I’m not your personal masseur service.” Aleks can’t help but push the point, the sarcasm veiling his recovery. He makes to break James’ grip but his heart isn’t in the attempt.

“Please don’t stop.” James reaffirms, the statement controlled and certain when Aleks feels anything but that. His tone falls between demanding and pleading, and doesn’t that just hit Aleks right where he least expected it?”

“You have to tell me what you want.” Aleks finds himself making his own demands.

“Do I have to spell everything out?” James whinges, and his desperation for relief has Aleks breathing harder than he should be given the situation.

“Them’s the rules, Daddy…” All the breathiness has gone straight to Aleks’ tone, what is meant to be a light joke registering lower with a dark chuckle.

“Don’t call me that!” James cries, before settling down, unable to resist the chance the oppourtunity to boss Aleks around, “Fine. Widen the stroke first off.”

Aleks obeys, so used to taking direction from James that his hands work of their own accord, broadening their circumference. He starts when he feels James’ hum of approval reverberates through his body, feeling his own body flush in response and quickly continuing in the same vein.

“Mmm…now, press harder.”

“Like this?” Aleks asks, applying a light pressure to the movement. His breath catches as the flat of his palm cuts into the hardness of James’ protruding stomach.

“A little harder.” James presses, never able to stop at the line where the boundary should be, heed the warning signs.

Aleks acquiesces and James breaks off into a loud groan of approval that has Aleks feeling way too hot all over.

“That good?” Aleks is surprised at his own voice, shaky, unsure. James’ deep hum in response has the flush spreading from his neck down.

“It’s so good, Aleksander. So good.”

He doesn’t know if it is some repressed childhood response, or just a general kink he was unaware of, but the positive affirmation, being told just how good he is triggers something in him, heat snapping up his spine. Just having someone completely plaint underneath his hands, warm and making all these pleased noises…Aleks squirms uncomfortably, needing to put distance between himself and James.

“Good…what do you need, hmm?” Aleks asks as he shifts, without stopping, just asking for more direction he tells himself.

“Just keep going…” James is almost whimpering under his touch, before his belly clenches under Aleks hand.

James belches loudly, and the blissful sigh that follows muddles Aleks’ mind. He continues to rub his belly mindlessly, feeling the surface shrink slightly with the loss of pressure.

“I’m such a pig…” James winces apologetically, and Aleks can feel him heat up in embarrassment, “That’s just…the relief…”

“Dude, relax. Whatever makes you feel better.” Aleks assures him, hands wander lower, palm exploring the slight dip of his navel and circling the point just before his waistband of his jeans.

The adrenaline getting the better of him, Aleks slips his hand under the edge of James’ shirt before he can stop himself. Any fear of how James might respond disappeared as James melts automatically into the touch, Aleks struggling to focus on forming his next sentence as his hands roam the soft, warm expanse of skin low on his mid-section.

“At the risk of making things even more uncomfortable, fuck that feels nice...” James bites back a moan.

“We’re well past that stage now.” Aleks jokes, hands soothingly continuing their ministrations, “Those jeans have got to be cutting into you…”

“They are feeling a little tight…” James whimpers, and for some reason that has Aleks biting down on his free fist to suppress a response of his own. He tries not to shudder when he feels James’ small noise of distress when his hand halts to slip down and deftly pop the button of his jeans, before moving to cup his lower belly as it sprung free.

“Oh fuck yes….Aleks…” James hisses as Aleks ran his fingers over the dips of the welts created from the press of the material. He feels James wiggles to shift his jeans to sit lower on his lips with a noise of happy relief.

Aleks presses harder into his lower belly in response, running small, tight circles. He felt James’ belly gurgle in protest before he burped again, louder and longer this time.

“That’s it. Dammit James, you must be so full.” Aleks hears himself saying before he can stop himself, unable to resist his body’s natural urge anymore. Je presses his chest flush against James’ back, taking in the warmth, feeling James’ ragged breathing reverberated through him.

He continues working his hands lower along the strip of skin below his abdomen, forcing himself not to stop even as James responds to the close contact, seeking the additional heat and proximity.

“I’m completely stuffed.” James is panting now, straining back into Aleks hands even though it must be hurting him.

“So big and hard.” Aleks murmurs, mouth dangerously close to James ear now, his own shirt shifting upwards as he moves against James back to get the best angle.

“You’re still talking about my stomach, right?” James goes to laugh but bites down on a moan as Aleks fingers dig in a little.

“Sure…tell me how my hands feel? Is it good for you?” Aleks encourages, needing to hear the words. The sensation is almost as good as being high between the soft rub of James’ skin, the friction of his hard belly under his hands and those little desperate moans and hisses.

“Who knew your hands had talents other than flicking a joy stick and your own dick?” James groans smartly, unable to help himself.

“Oh I’m sorry, you could’ve just said if you wanted me to stop?” Aleks teases, stopping the movement all together and moving to release his hands from under James’ shirt.

“PLEASE!” Aleks didn’t even ask James to beg and that’s when things start to unravel. Aleks is already way too sensitive, too focused on the insistent whine and his hands to notice James follow up by grinding his ass back into his in his search for more contact, or the effect that it had on his way too wounded up body.

“Woah Aleks, you’re fucking hard, man.” James breathes and Aleks whole world comes to a crashing stand still.

All the blood pooling unbeknownst to him at the bottom of his body seems to shoot straight back up to his head. In the rush of panic that floods him, Aleks shoots backwards to the edge of the bed, would’ve made a break for it if he wasn’t so scared that he’d pass out.

Heart racing, he settles on the realisation that his life in its current form is probably over. His world seems to narrow down to the clench feeling in his stomach and his breathlessness.

Then James is with him, grabbing his shoulders and gently forcing him to stay, holding him down to earth while everything seems to crumble around him.

“Aleks, what’s going on? Talk to me.” James says from somewhere far away, anchoring him back down with his depthless brown Bambi eyes. Trying to control his breathing, Alek focuses on James hands as they move to his elbows, fluid in the motion but firm and centring in his grasp.

“Shut your eyes and focus on breathing steady for a sec, okay?” James’ voice, familiar and constant, has just the right amount of soothing and commanding in his tone to make Aleks obey.

“Shit. Fuck…James, I didn’t…I mean I wasn’t…”Aleks splutters, half-formed sentences as broken as his breathing a moment earlier, eyes still slammed shut and struggling in James grasp, to run, to fight, anything but being pinned here in the moment where he’s ruined everything between them.

“Everything is okay Aleks, calm down!” James shouts, worry amplifying his voice.

“James, I’m sorry – I…”

“For fuck’s sake, just STOP!” James yells, and before Aleks can think James has crushed their faces together. Aleks barely registers when their noses collide, mouth gaping before James slips to the side and shuts it with his own.

If Aleks thought he stopped breathing five minutes ago, his lungs have definitely deflated now but James is right there to breath for him. He tries to remember how his lips move, but James takes the guess work out of it, taking the lead. His lips move with considerate slowness, not trying to startle Aleks but moving at a deliberate, demanding pace.

The kiss is over as quickly as it starts, and Aleks automatically misses the warmth when James pulls back, breathing hard himself now.

“If you bothered to pay attention during your sexual identity meltdown, you’d notice I’m hard too.” James pants, hands on his knees. The trademark irritability is in his voice, but the half smile gracing his face detracts from any real anger.

“Oh shit.” Aleks manages incoherently, eyes still glued to James’ face in trepidation. It’s all there right in front of him – James’ face is flushed, pupils completely blown out. This is not a drill and Aleks doesn’t know how to handle it.

“This-this…is a lot.” Aleks finally gets out, mind racing and ready to fly again.

“It is what it is, and it can be whatever we want it to be.” James intones rationally, “Just know that everything is okay between us, alright? We are okay.”

Aleks nods, watching speechlessly as James sweeps his sweaty hair off his forehead and up into a bun. The fact that Aleks wants nothing more than to get his fingers all caught up in the tangles should be enough to signal that he too is okay with whatever this is, but his rational thought process just hasn’t caught up yet.

For a moment, James is the one that looks like he is about to freak out and Aleks feels the weirdly protective urge to do whatever it takes to erase that feeling.

“Was- was that okay?” James ventures, suddenly shyer than Aleks has ever seen him.

“That?” Aleks says, pointing dumbly to his own face.

“Yeah – I should’ve – asked or something before...that.” James admits carefully, suddenly unsure.

“Dude, I’m not some little virgin at their first prom.” Aleks laughs to lighten the moment.

“For real? I assumed you and Aron went together as the cute foreign exchange couple. Ain’t nobody putting out for that!” James teases. Aleks didn’t know if it was the adrenaline or the ridiculous of the situation but a second later he went from one side of the bed to play wrestling on top of James.

“No fair, my belly’s weighing me down!” James squealed, hardly fighting and remaining on the bottom after the short, playful tussle.

“Pinned you again!” Aleks grins, arms on either side of James’ face.

“Aleksander Vitalyevich Marchant, did you just reference the Lion King?” James murmured in awe. Aleks could feel the blissfully joyful grin reflected in his own face despite his best attempts to keep it straight.

“Anything for my ride or die.” Aleks grins, kind of sheepish now.

“So, uh, what now?”

“You never answered my question!” James joked, though the lines in his usually carefree face betrayed his concern.

“For the kiss equivalent of a cheap shot? It was okay!” Aleks can’t fight back his smile as James’ eyes widen in surprise, “Only one way to know for sure…”

Lowering himself down push up style, his torso hovering above James, Aleks returns serve. Ignoring his flipping stomach and acting on impulse, he cheekily forces James’ lips open with the point of his tongue. After a feral sounds emits from James’ throat in response, there’s a hand in his hair and one around his shoulders, scrabbling for purchase to pull him down hungrily closer. Alek’s body cover his, careful not to crush James’ stomach as he relents and deepens the contact.

Suddenly coming to his senses as he felt James’ dick biting into his hip, his own rock solid against James’ leg, Aleks pulls back, breathing hard to look down at James, searching his face to see that everything was still good. All he saw was flushed excitement and a contentment that hadn’t been there in a long time.

“So.” James asks, dropping his arms, palms up in the universal sign for surrender, his eyes sparkling.

“So.” Aleks responds, feeling far more calm than he should as he pushes up to hover in a half-push up again.

“That was a good kiss.” James nods in approval.

“Yeah?” Aleks asks, unsure himself.

James must sense the flight mode switched back on as he nods quickly, moving a hand slowly to stroke the inside of Aleks wrist. Despite all this being new and chaotic and scary as hell, the feather-light touch grounds him again. How the fuck does James keep doing that?

“Yes.” James affirms with no room for doubt or debate, still stroking, “This has all been good. And we are good, okay Aleks? No freaking out.”

“No freaking out.” Aleks mimics, nodding insistently. He has no idea when he became a hysterical pre-teen incapable of making rational decisions, but he is glad as hell that the older of the two has picked up on its so quick and taken charge.

“Let’s slow this down a little, huh?” James coaxes, seeing Aleks breathe a sigh of relief at not having to make any major decisions at this very moment. “Do you need to fix that?” He asks softly, consideration replacing the animal hunger for moments early as he gesturing in the general area of Aleks’ dick without staring directly. Aleks, in a weird moment of self-consciousness, is thankful for.

“Nah, I think I just need to lie down,” Aleks confesses, suddenly exhausted by the whirlwind chain of events that has taken place as he moves up and off, “Are you –”

“I’m good,” James confirms with a nod. He looks Aleks over one more time, nothing creepy but just to check he’s settled in a motion that makes Aleks’ fucking heart cramp, before rolling over and assuring him again over his shoulder, “We’re good, Aleks.”

“Just going to shut my eyes a bit, then I’ll go.” Aleks promises as James moves to shut off the light on the bedside table. He watches James’ back in an awe-struck fascination, watching defined muscles contract and contort as he moves to flick the switch. There is a lot he is noticing now that’s he’s never noticed before.

“Mmm-hmm” James murmurs sleepily, slipping easy into their little nightly routine as the room is plunged into darkness. The unwritten script always goes the same way - Aleks pretends he is only staying for a nap, James agrees, then Aleks falls asleep before slipping out before day break. Neither acknowledge it the next day and everything returns to normal.

“Is this the new normal now?” Aleks thinks as he tentatively reaches out to wrap his arms around James, finding him in the dark at arm’s length.

“Unless your dick bites, you can come a little closer.” James amused voice floats through the dark room, knocking him from his own thoughts with his typical smart ass appraisal of the situation.

“Excuse me, I was trying to be a gentleman!” Aleks retorts with mock offense as James snorts and giggles.

“So sweet of you to defend my virtue after attempting to rob me of it just five minutes ago!” James snorts again.

“What the – you came onto me!” Aleks cries defensively, moving close and slipping his arm loosely over James. When his hand crept back up onto his belly under his shirt, James mewled happily, shifting closer to get comfortable.

“And now your half hard penis is nestled in my ass crack.” James sighs contentedly, nestling back as Aleks cuddled up to his neck. They had always been like this in the dark, sharing each other’s space without judgement. Though most of the time one or the other would shift away without acknowledging their morning wood, so this was new.

“This is how the Tinder generation, no, my generation, rolls.” Aleks confirms, absent minded stroking James’ belly in soothing circles.

“If I wake up to you dabbing in your sleep again, I will punch you.” James adds, trying his best at irritation but too sleepy to be convincing under Aleks gentle hands.

“I’ll be gone before you wake up.” Aleks reminds him. The comment is strangely sobering. He realises he has never dreaded the moment he’ll have to leave in pitch black quite so much as he does now.

Groggy under the influence of the heavy petting, James mutters something unintelligible in reply.

“Asshole says what?” Aleks tries, halting his rubbing and hoping for a response.

“I said you don’t have to leave, you know!” James cries in irritation. Even without looking, Aleks can almost taste the smile in his voice. This was about as close as they got to tender.

“I know…James, did you just fart on me!”

“I farted on your dick!” James giggles helplessly, as Aleks begins to tickle him mercilessly, “Please…don’t…this is too new for poop play, please!”

Even in their chaotic existences, it’s a comfort to know some things never changes. In the morning, James’ arms anchor Aleks to his chest and when sunrise comes, he stays.


End file.
